


Bedtime Stories

by rike_with_love



Category: Gintama
Genre: Complications, Coping, Death in Childbirth, F/M, Father-Son Relationship, Heavy Angst, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-07 17:14:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16858042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rike_with_love/pseuds/rike_with_love
Summary: Okikagu week 2018, Day 5: Death. Sougo watches as his son runs around the house without a care in the world.





	Bedtime Stories

Disclaimer: I don't own Gintama or its characters. Sorachi Hideaki does. I only own this story.

”But I don't wanna go to sleep!” a little, almost 3-year old boy with flaxen hair yelled as he ran around the living-room floor. The boy was fast with his feet despite being a toddler. The fact that he was a half-human-half-yato could play a factor in his skills.

”Come on Souichiro-kun, we have to get up early tomorrow,” a calm voice said from the kitchen. The boy only laughed at this and began to jump all over the furniture. It was normal for a young child to get an energy spike right before bedtime and his father had gotten used to it by now. ”I'm going to count to five, and you're going to bed by the time I finish, okay?”

”Muahahaa! Never!” Souichiro laughed and fastened his pace.

”1...2...3...” Sougo glanced at his young son from the kitchen before continuing his counting. The boy hadn't slowed down or made an effort to move closer to his bedroom. Sougo shook his head and returned his focus on the cup of tea he had almost finished up. He had his elbows resting on the kitchen table and his eyes happened to roam to his left hand. A silver band on his ring finger. Sougo watched the ring and smiled a bit. ”Oh right...4!” he said, emphasizing the number.

The boy huffed and jumped on the coffee table. ”I'll never surrender!” he said and skipped around the table. Yato or not, kids were clumsy. Souichiro lost his balance and fell off the table, hitting his head on the wooden floor. 

A sudden thud and crying of his son made Sougo sprang up from his chair. He had been too lost in thought to watch over his kid and now he got himself hurt. Sougo hated the feeling it brought him. It was pretty regular for kids to hurt themselves, but Sougo had always been a bit hard on himself from the very first moment he became a father.

Sougo picked up the crying boy from the floor and held him tightly in his arms. ”Souichiro, what have I told you about being too reckless, mh?” The crying softened down to sniffling, his father's voice always had a calming effect on him. Souichiro crasped Sougo's sleeping yukata with both hands and sobbed against his father's neck.

”I wanted to play mami, she's so super strong and everything...”

Sougo chuckled. ”Right, but would mami fall off the table?” he asked. The boy shook his head and giggled a little. ”You need to practice more if you want to become as strong as your her, starting with lots of sleep.” The boy made a sweet baby sound and hugged his father tightly.

Sougo carried a yawning Souichiro into his bedroom. He changed the boy into a similar green yukata he was wearing, making the two look almost identical. Souichiro was the speaking image of Sougo, but his eyes, his eyes were deep ocean blue with a fraction of aquamarine, a perfect combination of his mother and grandmother's eyes.

Sougo placed his son on his bed and tucked him in. Souichiro's sleepy eyes opened slowly. ”Papa?”

”Mmh?”

”Can you tell me a story?”

Sougo looked at his innocent son and smiled faintly. ”Sure, what kind of story?” Souichiro's eyes brightened up a little, he loved his father's stories.

”Tell me a story about mami.”

Sougo's eyes softened at his request. He settled down next to Souichiro. The boy turned to his side and waited eagerly for his father to begin.

”Well, there was this one time when mami's dog, Sadaharu-”

”I love Sadaharu! He's so soft and big!”

”Yeah, once Sadaharu grew really really big.”

”How big?”

”He was like, three times a big as our house.”

”Wow!”

Souichiro's blue eyes sparkled. Sougo knew he liked exaggerations, just like his mother. Kagura wasn't child anymore, but she too liked stories, his stories. Sougo was a surprisingly good at telling stories, and he had only one person in the world to thank for his skill. His late sister, Mitsuba.

She was the one who took care of him when their parents died. She was only his sister, but she felt more like a mother. Sougo always felt bad that Souichiro didn't get the change to meet his aunt.

Sougo continued his story, telling how he and Kagura were holding on to the rampaging deity. After a while, Sougo didn't get any responses from his son. ”Sou-kun?” he asked and turned to look at him. The boy was sound to sleep, all of his limbs stretched out, just like his mother. Sougo remembered how much space she took as they slept side by side. He missed that, it had already been a while since her felt her warmness near him.

The clock ticked and Sougo glanced at the time. It was one minute to midnight. He turned to his side to look at Souichiro. Sougo stroked his soft pale cheek. It reminded him of the moment he wanted to forget. Sougo felt an all too familiar pain in his heart. He curled up next to his son. Other hand being his pillow, and the other hand pressed against his heart. ”I wish you could be here to see him, growing up everyday, becoming more like you.”

”...”

”...Kagura.”

The clock ticked again, it was midnight. Sougo reached his hand towards his son's forehead. He pushed gently some of Souichiro's hair off his face. ”Happy birthday son,” he said, the same bittersweet feeling engulfing him every single year.

He still remembered it like it was yesterday.

*  
*

Exactly three years ago, Sougo ran as fast as he could. His grunting wife in his arms, almost eight months pregnant. They entered the hospital and Sougo howled for someone to help them. He tried to stay calm as possible, but he hated hospitals, they awakened some strong and unpleasant emotions in him.

”Help! My wife collapsed suddenly and she's in a lot of pain!” he explained to the nurse who rushed to them. She listened to him very carefully and asked for more specific details. As Sougo tried his best to tell every single detail, other nurses brought a hospital bed for Kagura.

Sougo placed his pale wife on the bed and stroked her sweaty forehead. Kagura glanced at him, eyelids barely staying open. ”Everything's going to be alright,” he said. Kagura was too weak too speak, she blinked her eyes once and nodded just barely.

Sougo followed the hospital crew who took Kagura to the emergency room. He heard them speak about painkillers, C-section, and premature birth. Kagura's breathing was fragile and disheveled.

Sougo held his wife's hand through it all. His memory was getting a bit hazy from that point forwards. He remembered that doctors and nurses ran around them. Finally someone said something that made sense to him. ”She's in labour.”

”But the due date is still over a month away. How can she be in labour? How is the baby?” Sougo inquired, managing to keep his voice neutral.

The doctor looked at them. ”The umbilical cord is wrapped around your baby's neck, we need to do a C-section,” he said. Sougo nodded and looked at the barely conscious Kagura. ”We have to do it immediately, the mother is getting weaker by the second.”

”What are you waiting for? GO!” Sougo yelled, startling some of the people in the room. Kagura squeezed his hand and Sougo turned to her.

”It's okay chihuahua...I'll be fine,” she said quietly. He nodded at her, trying to get a hold of himself.

Kagura was taken to the surgery, but Sougo couldn't follow them. He had to wait in the hospital lobby. It felt like an eternity to wait. He sat on one of the chairs, elbows on his knee, face cupped in his hands. Sougo hated hospitals. They couldn't do anything to save Mitsuba, so how could they save Kagura and their unborn child?

Sougo reacted to every nurse walking to the lobby, he stood up instantly when he heard steps coming closer. None came to him, it was unbearable. ”Oi! Okita-kun!” a voice said. Sougo's head nudged up and he saw the Yorozuya family barging in. ”Where's Kagura! Oi Okita-kun!” Gintoki asked. (After all this time, he had finally learned his name, no more Sodas and Sofas).

”Uh, she's in surgery, it's been about 30 minutes (that felt like countless hours).”

”I see,” Gintoki said and sat next to Sougo. The Shimura siblings sat down on close by, a nervous silence filling the air. It truly felt like there was no air, it was hard to breath, hard to simply be. Then a nurse ran to the lobby. All four sprang up from their seats. ”Any news?” Gintoki asked immediately.

”Well, congratulations Okita-san, it's a boy.”

Sougo's eyes widened and his heart fluttered. A boy? I'm a father now, he thought to himself. Gintoki patted Sougo's back and smiled. Shinpachi and Otae hugged each other, they were truly happy for a new addition to the Yorozuya family. ”And my wife? Is she okay?”

The nurse looked down for a second, making Sougo's mind run wild. He couldn't even think about it properly...was Kagura? Had the love of his life died? No...

”She's recovering. The surgery was very straining for her, so only one visitor tonight,” the nurse said.

Sougo exhaled deeply, he had thought of losing her for only a second and it felt worst than anything. He couldn't lose the most important person in his life, not again. Gintoki gave Sougo a small push. ”Go,” he said.

The nurse walked him to Kagura's room. There she was, eyes closed, chest rising in a calm pace. The nurse told that she would be back with their baby in a minute. Then they were left alone. Sougo went next to her bed, seeing a small empty crib close by. He sat down quietly, not wanting to disturb Kagura's rest. Sougo took her hand and stroked it. ”Thank god,” he whispered.

”You should thank the doctors-aru.”

Sougo's eyes darted to his wife, his talking wife. ”You're okay?” he asked, voice dripping from love. Kagura smiled softly for him.

”Where's he?”

”He?”

”Our kid, silly.”

”Heh, he's coming. How did you know it was a boy?”

”I just knew...”

The door opened up. The same nurse came in with a little bundle in her hands. Sougo stood up and greeted the nurse. ”Here he is,” she said and   
walked to Sougo. ”I'll give him to you, it's better for the mother to rest some more.”

She offered the small nugget of joy to him, guiding Sougo to hold him right. It was a very pure moment. He felt like love, no...not just love, everything gained a new meaning in life as he looked at their child. Innocent, fragile, cute, product of his and Kagura's love.

”Hello little buddy.”

Kagura watched the two men in her life meet for the first time. She couldn't be happier. Sougo gazed at Kagura with a smiled so wide it warmed her heart. The nurse left room as Sougo took their baby boy to meet his mother. ”This is mami,” Sougo said and held the baby close to Kagura.

Kagura's eyes teared up at the sight, she felt the same love as he did. ”Hi,” she said and sniffed through her tears. ”Can I hold him?”

Sougo was hesitant. ”Are you sure you have the strength? Maybe later?”

Kagura snorted slightly. ”I want to hold him, please.”

Sougo gave in, how could he deny her in this situation. He lifted the bed to get Kagura into sitting position, then he slid a pillow to support her back. ”Here he comes,” Sougo said and gently passed the boy to her.

As Kagura held him, more tears poured down her cheeks. She couldn't take her eyes off him. Sougo put an arm around her and planted butterfly kisses on her head. This was the moment that he would remember for the rest of his life, even on his death-bed.

”What should we call him?” Sougo asked as he caressed his wife.

”Souichiro.”

”Oh, so are the next ones going to be Soda and Sofa?” he asked. Kagura giggled slightly. ”I'm kidding, it's a perfect name.”

She hummed and closed her eyes for a moment. Sougo noticed her back slumping against the bed. Her hold of Souichiro went a little loose. ”Huh? Are you too tired?”

Kagura didn't answer and Sougo felt a bad feeling in his gut. He quickly moved to face her. ”Kagura?” Sougo asked and hastily took the baby in his arms. ”Kagura?”

Her eyes opened a little, enough for her glistening ocean blue eyes dig into his crimson ones. ”Do you want to sleep now?”

Kagura parted her lips and tried to say something. It was already a little too late at that moment, but he noticed her lips losing colour. They weren't those light pink lips that were softer than silk, they were pale, almost blue. She was tired as Sougo had suspected, but she needed a much longer rest than he had expected.

”...Sougo...”

”Tell me.”

”Take...take care of him...”

Sougo's heart sank, he didn't want to hear anything like that. ”Please Kagura...please don't say that.”

Kagura looked at him one last time. She saw the tears wetting his eyes already. ”Sougo, take care of Souichiro...promise me.”

His tears blinded him for a moment. He forced himself to say what she wanted to hear. ”I promise.”

Kagura smiled widely. ”Thank you...I...lov-,” she breathed. Then her eyes closed up, like she fell into deep slumber.

”Kagura...Kagura?” Sougo asked, mind going overdrive. ”No, no, no,” he rambled hysterically and put Souichiro into his crib. Sougo rushed back to her. The monitor showing her vital functions began to make a loud noise. Her pulse disappeared from the screen. Sougo looked in horror as his wife began to drift away right in front of his eyes. She was just fine a moment ago, what is happening, he thought to himself.

”No, Kagura...please no,” he said, voice cracking into a hopeless crying. Sougo touched her face frantically, fingers feeling her coldness and trails of tears. ”Kagura...” Souichiro began to cry from the monitor's loud noise. Sougo pulled Kagura into his arm, she felt heavy. ”No...”

Her head dipped backwards. His whole body was shaking, voice trembling. Sougo supported her head and pressed it against his chest. ”Kagura, please don't leave me, KAGURA!” he screamed, louder than the monitor, louder than the cry of their child.

Nurses bursted into the room, alarmed because of the monitor. It took two nurses two get Sougo to let go of Kagura. ”Please sir! We need to start resuscitation immediately!” He heard them, but his mind wasn't co-operating with his body.

The two nurses dragged Sougo to the door. ”No, she needs me!” He yelled at the nurses.

”Please sir, you need to wait outside so we can safe her, okay?” one of the nurses said and the word recue caught Sougo's attention. He was hesitant, they couldn't rescue his sister, could they really rescue his wife.

Sougo took one last look at Kagura and the group of people around her bed. Then he stopped resisting the nurses and left the room willingly.

They gave him hope. They said they would rescue her. Hope can rise you up, but it can't break you into million little pieces too. There was nothing to do, no-one to save. The C-section had caused an internal bleeding for Kagura and it was too late for her. Even her Yato healing powers didn't have enought time to save her. Sougo had lost her.

When the news were brought to him, he broke down. Memory of those first days after Kagura's passing were very hazy. He felt like he was in a dream, waiting for the morning to come and break the nightmare he was in.

*  
*

It had been three years, three years with his son, three years without his wife. There were a lot of people who doubted him and his skills. Could he take care of a kid on his own? Frankly Sougo couldn't care less what anyone else thought of him, he had promised to Kagura, he would take care of their son.

Sougo had his moments of self-doubt and he balmed himself for Kagura's death for a long time. Sougo met Gintoki's fist on his face when he first said it out loud. Gintoki was like a father to Kagura and he knew her almost as well as Sougo himself. He told Sougo to stop looking for something to blame and to move forward. Living and loving were the best way to honor her life and Sougo knew that too.

With time and self-forgivness, he decided to be strong, he decided to become a good father, a father who would be there for little Souichiro. Both Sougo and Kagura had lived their childhood without a father and he wanted to give their son a different kind of life. It pained him a lot that she didn't get the change to be a mother for more than a few moments. He knew how much she wanted to be one, a mother for her child.

Sougo still missed Kagura as badly as he had lost her yesterday. Everytime he felt like everything was crushing him down, he had a lot of people reaching out to him. The Yorozuya and especially Gintoki, the entire Shinsengumi force, a bat-shit crazy Yato family and many many others. They were more than willing to help Sougo. He was grateful for them and mature enough to accept the help when he needed it.

Most of the time, it was just the two of them. Sougo took everything he had learned from Mitsuba and channelled that into their life. He was happy that his sister was such a great person, an amazing person to look up.

The most painful aspect of losing Kagura was that Souichiro didn't remember her. He was a newborn when she died. Sougo had made one thing very clear for everyone in Souichiro's life. It was important to talk about her to their son, tell stories, both happy and sad ones. He wanted him to know everything about his mother, like he knew her, like he could imagine her. Kagura's memory would live on forever in her family's heart.

Sougo watched Souichiro's steady breathing and smiled. He needed to be strong for their young boy. Sougo rolled on his back and took in a deep breath. He placed his hands on his stomach and felt the coldness of the silver ring on his finger against his yukata. He knew it was silly, but that ring, it would stay on, no matter what.

”Good night Kagura.” Sougo whispered and closed his eyes.


End file.
